


Each and Every Day

by silvermoongirl10



Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, reflections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 21:18:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4537755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoongirl10/pseuds/silvermoongirl10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shot of Frank's thoughts and feelings on some key moments in Jamie's life. </p><p>'Frank knew then, that like Joe, Jamie would grow up to become a peacekeeper. He just hoped and prayed that it did not lead him into the life as a police officer. He didn't want to think of his little boy seeing the same things he did. Jamie was a ray of sunshine, and he did not want any part diminished.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Each and Every Day

The day that Frank had held Jamie for the first time, he had a sudden feeling of wholeness. He knew his family had just been completed by the little bundle that was in his arms. He was the first person Jamie opened his eyes to. Years later he would always remember sitting in that hospital room, Mary dozing in the bed beside him, and Jamie staring up at him in silent wonder.

Brushing a finger along the side of Jamie's face, he murmured softly. "I hope you have a long and happy life my little one, and may you always laugh during the happy times and know that I am always here for you during the sad times. I will always be here to love and protect you, my precious boy."

Jamie had grasped onto his finger and cooed in contentment. Looking at the bundle clutched in his arms, Frank hoped and prayed that his son would never be touched by the horrific things he saw as a Detective.

* * *

When Jamie was eleven months old he took his first shaky steps. Frank had come home exhausted, but the sight of Jamie, with his arms outstretched towards his father. While taking his first steps, banished Frank's exhaustion and when Jamie was about to stumble and fall. He lifted his son up into the air, laughing with joy and congratulated Jamie on this milestone.

Another night, he came home emotionally torn up about a case he had worked. Hearing the mother's cries as she learnt of the loss of her child. Was a sound Frank never wanted to hear again, but knew he would someday, and it was a sound he couldn't get out of his head now. He silently climbed the stairs of the house. Missing all the steps that creaked. He popped his head around the doors of Danny's, Erin's and Joe's rooms. Once he got to Jamie's he saw his youngest sprawled in his cot, with his blanket strewn across the bottom. Noting the slight chill in the air, he silently approached the cot, and tucked Jamie back under his blanket. Jamie snuffled contentedly and burrowed under the blanket with a smile. This brought a smile to Frank's face. A warm feeling swelled up inside of him, he brushed a hand over Jamie's soft hair.

He leaned over the railing of the cot and whispered. "Sleep well son. May your dreams ever remain un-haunted." _Unlike mine_ , he thought to himself. He kissed the top of Jamie's head and made his way to his own room.

The mother's cries echoed in his head, but as he settled down to sleep. The cries were replaced by the snuffles made by Jamie as he slept. With those sounds, Frank drifted off to sleep with a smile upon his face.

* * *

Jamie's first birthday was a happy affair. Both his and Mary's parents had come to the house, and huddled on the living room floor, was Jamie happily playing with his new toys. Surrounded by his older siblings, Jamie laughed and clapped his hands with joy. Frank looked upon his children with a fond smile. Pleased, that for today, the older three, mainly Erin and Danny, had ceased their arguing. Jamie always hated it when his siblings fought, he would always cry. Leaving Joe to shout at Erin and Danny, trying to make them stop, only to upset Jamie further.

Frank knew then, that like Joe, Jamie would grow up to become a peacekeeper. He just hoped and prayed that it did not lead him into the life as a police officer. He didn't want to think of his little boy seeing the same things he did. Jamie was a ray of sunshine, and he did not want any part of it diminished.

* * *

It was at Sunday dinner when thirteen month old Jamie spoke his first clear word. It was slightly jumbled, but everyone knew what Jamie was trying to say. The word was neither mom nor dad. It was in fact, potatoes.

The whole family laughed. Whenever an argument started at Sunday dinner, Frank always interrupted and asked for the potatoes to be passed over. What made it funnier, was that Jamie had interrupted an argument between Erin and Danny.

Frank looked proudly at the toddler. Jamie grinned at everyone and continued to eat his dinner as if nothing had happened. Henry shook his head and patted the top of Jamie's head.

"Definitely a peacekeeper this one," smiled Henry.

"I would say so pop," agreed Frank with a smile of his own.

As everyone continued on with dinner, Erin and Danny having a fake argument to see if Jamie would interrupt again, which he did. Frank wondered, not for the first time, what life had in store for his little peacekeeper. Nothing but peace and happiness he hoped. He looked sideways at Mary, and knew his wife shared his thoughts.

* * *

It was a bright and sunny afternoon in August when Frank, while chasing a suspect, was shot and taken to hospital. He awoke in the early hours of the next morning. He found, Mary asleep in a chair beside him, with a sleeping seven year old Jamie on her lap. He blinked dumbfounded as to why Jamie was asleep at the hospital.

"He refused to leave," commented a soft voice from his other side. A voice, he saw belonged to his father.

"Pop?" he asked hoarsely.

Henry gave him a half smile. "Betty took the other kids back to your house. But she went to take Jamie and he flew into a fit. He screamed and cried and refused to leave. We just decided to let him stay, he would have only made himself ill."

Frank turned his head back to his wife and son, he looked at Jamie in surprise. Jamie was always quiet and well behaved. He had never known Jamie to have a temper tantrum and scream.

"Your second peacekeeper is quiet the stubborn one," chuckled Henry.

"Seems so," responded Frank. His eyes began to droop and the next thing he knew he was asleep.

The next time he awoke, it was to see daylight streaming through the windows. The first thing he saw was Jamie sat in the chair from before. Quietly reading and swinging his legs back and forwards. As Jamie went to turn a page, his eyes flickered up and he gasped seeing his dad awake.

"Dad!" exclaimed Jamie. In his rush to get off the chair, he almost fell face first to the floor. Frank flinched expecting his son to get to his feet with a bleeding nose. However, Jamie righted himself and landed on his feet. Jamie rushed to the edge of the bed and clutched onto Frank's hand.

Frank had intended to have words with Jamie about his behaviour, but he looked up to see Jamie's eyes brimming with tears.

"Jamie?" questioned Frank worriedly,

Jamie shrugged and brushed his free hand over his eyes. "I'm fine."

"Son," prompted Frank, wanting to know what was making his usually happy son, on the brink of tears.

"I was scared about you dad," confessed Jamie. "I…I…I thought we would lose you, Danny said we wouldn't. But you wouldn't wake up!" Jamie's voice hitched and his voice cracked on the last word, as tears began to slip down his cheeks.

"Oh son," sighed Frank, he tugged Jamie closer and clutched Jamie tightly with one arm. "I'll never leave you son."

Jamie sniffled and buried his face into Frank's shoulder. Henry and Mary entered the room then, Mary relaxed seeing him awake. Henry walked over and gently guided Jamie to the door to allow Mary and Frank to talk alone. Frank watched as Jamie continued to cry, so Henry stooped and then carried Jamie out of the room.

Once he was allowed home, Frank thanked seventeen year old Danny for helping Mary out by looking after the younger kids. And was surprised when Danny confessed that he hadn't known how to comfort Jamie.

Danny shook his head, "Dad. Jamie was a mess. Looking at him people thought you had died. It's why grandma let him stay at the hospital that night. It was the only thing that would settle him, he thought we were taking him home because you'd died. No matter what I said, it didn't help."

Frank rested a hand across Danny's shoulders, "He's young Danny. He didn't understand. You tried your best, and besides, grandma couldn't get him to come home." Danny nodded and then went to his room, Frank settled onto the couch and put the TV on. When Jamie came and snuggled up to his uninjured side.

"Love you dad," mumbled Jamie.

"Love you too son," replied Frank softly. Realizing that while Jamie was a peacemaker, when it came to his family, Jamie was fiercely protective. Also it appeared Jamie had inherited the Reagan family's stubbornness.

* * *

The next few years passed far too quickly for Frank's liking. Years which included the passing of his own mother, Betty. Thirteen year old Jamie had taken his grandma's death hard, he had always been close with his grandma. This time there was no one he could scream and shout at. He couldn't stop death and he could only stand silently during the funeral and burial of his beloved grandmother. Henry had fallen behind a mask, wanting to be strong for his family. Only as everyone began to leave the gravesite did Frank see the mask fall. Jamie approached Henry silently and had hugged the older man tightly. Jamie's eyes were the spitting image of Betty's and that was when, looking into Jamie's eyes, Henry let his mask fall. Through the coming weeks, when Mary supported Frank, Jamie supported his grandpa.

Soon enough Jamie was in high school, looking absolutely terrified when he had to tell his parents about his C in Science. Something Frank had tried so very hard not to laugh at. Jamie looked as if he was about to be executed for his grade, while his parents didn't mind because it was still a pass. Furthermore, Danny, Erin and Joe had all brought their fair share of C's home. Jamie was the only one to never have had one before.

However, soon enough. Far too soon. Jamie was going off to Harvard. Joe, the oldest of the pair of peacekeepers was a police officer, and Jamie was off to study law. Frank just hoped Jamie would be happy. While he had always hoped that Jamie would never join the family business, he could see in Jamie's eyes that he longed for the Academy.

He wanted to pull Jamie aside and bluntly ask if this was what Jamie _really_ wanted, but he found he wasn't brave enough to ask. He just pretended, along with Mary, that he did not see this longing and Jamie pretended that he did not want with all his heart to follow his brothers into the Academy.

* * *

Mary did not get to see Jamie finish his first year at Harvard. A time that should have had the family throwing a party for Jamie for finishing the year, was instead filled with a family in morning.

Frank could see that Jamie was not doing well, fortunately Henry was there for the nineteen year old when Frank couldn't. One day, a week after Mary's funeral, Frank found Jamie sat in the backyard below the tree, staring blankly at something in his hands.

So he approached his son and sat beside Jamie. There he saw the object Jamie had been staring at. It was a framed photo of Frank, Mary, Danny, Erin and Jamie from about five years ago. It was a photo that he had never knew existed. He looked at Jamie questioningly.

Jamie sniffed, "A few months ago, I heard mom complaining that she didn't have a nice photo of all us she could put on the mantelpiece. Without one of us out of the photo because we were taking it or because someone was pulling a face. But I thought I remembered a nice photo being taken. So I searched through all the stacks of photos and found this one. I was gonna give it to her for her birthday."

Frank closed his eyes for a second, willing the tears away. Then he hugged Jamie as his son cried into his shoulder, much like his seven year old self had done. Once Jamie was just sitting there silently, Frank guided him into the living room and there he took the frame from Jamie and placed it on the mantelpiece. He looked back to see Jamie's eyes shining with unshed tears, but smiling. For the first time in two weeks Frank found himself also smiling.

* * *

Jamie's twenty-first birthday was a bittersweet affair. On the whole it was a happy day. Much like the birthday twenty years before. Frank sat remembering the little bundle Jamie used to be, a bundle in his arms that had stared up at him in wonder.

Now, those blue eyes that had stared up at him, were now looking around the room for two people who should have been there. His mother and grandmother.

Frank's heart clenched thinking about how unfair it was for Jamie to be unable to have two people he loved so very much with him on that day. Before he made his way over to Jamie, Joe approached his brother and cracked a joke that had tears slipping down Jamie's face. Frank smiled and watched his family happily.

* * *

Three years later, four months before Jamie graduated Harvard. Frank received the call no parent wanted to get. His middle boy, Joe, was gone. He knew he had to call Jamie. Jamie was the last one to be told, but he couldn't do it. He knew how close Joe and Jamie were…had been. He couldn't bear telling Jamie, he just couldn't do it. Luckily for him his father made the call for him.

Four and a half hours after Henry made the call, Jamie was stumbling in through the front door with wide, shocked eyes. Frank stood in the living room and found he couldn't move and couldn't tear his gaze away from Jamie's face. He could see that Jamie was silently pleading with him to say it wasn't true, that it was a mistake that had been realized while he drove home.

Frank followed Jamie's gaze to teary eyed Henry, Danny and Erin sat on the couch and could see the moment that it sunk in for Jamie. His face paled and he stumbled back to lean against the door frame. Danny looked up just in time to see Jamie sink down to the floor. Frank wanted to go to his youngest son, but just couldn't make his feet move. Instead Danny went to his brother. Together they sat huddled on the floor and were soon joined by Erin. Frank could not tear his eyes away from Jamie's wide and disbelieving eyes.

He so badly wanted to tell Jamie it was a nightmare, that he would wake up and Joe would still be alive. However, he couldn't. Joe was gone. And with him, some small part of Jamie.

* * *

It was a year later, at Jamie's Academy graduation. When Frank looked into Jamie's eyes and saw for the first time since Joe died, a spark of joy in Jamie's eyes. During the past year Frank had despaired of ever seeing that spark again. It was why, when Jamie announced his intention to go to the Academy that Frank hadn't tried to dissuade him.

While it wasn't what he and Mary had wanted for Jamie, Frank had remembered the longing in eighteen year old Jamie's eyes before going to Harvard. He hoped that going to the Academy would help bring his son back to him. Sure enough it had.

It was a comfort to Frank that while Jamie would spend every working day in harm's way. He knew Jamie was doing something that he loved. How could Frank expect him to do anything else?

* * *

Over the next couple of years, Jamie continued to get into situations that made him sit in silent terror, but he'd also listen to Jamie's stories at Sunday dinners. Stories that brought smiles to Jamie's face, and in those moments, the feelings of terror would vanish. This would continue and be repeated over and over again.

Then Vinny Cruz died.

Frank didn't see much of Jamie during the fallout and then the fallout of the mayor's shooting, but when it was all over. He truly thought he'd never see Jamie smile again. It wasn't like Joe's death when there was a spark missing from Jamie's eyes. This time there was a _haunted_ look in his son's eyes.

Jamie had been _there_. Vinny had died in Jamie's arms. There had been nothing Jamie could do and those were the worst situations. When you could do nothing.

The family vacation brought with it hope. There Jamie's eyes slowly, _ever so slowly_ , began to lose their haunted look. Jamie smiled and _laughed_. His boy was healing and that made Frank feel so much lighter.

Jamie's next partner helped, Eddie Janko brought with her an attitude that pushed Jamie's buttons, but also made him laugh. During the stories Jamie would tell, when his eyes danced with mirth. Frank would forget ever seeing the haunted and dead look in Jamie's eyes. Because he knew, that while Jamie would take battering's; physical and emotional. Jamie would always come out on the other side, and _would_ laugh again.

He loved and cared for each of his children, he would for each and every day of their lives.

**The End.**


End file.
